We each have a different attachment style. Your style will affect how comfortable you are sharing feelings, expressing emotions and letting your partner really see what is going on inside you. Some find it difficult to open- up, preferring to cope alone and struggle with their emotions, maybe even seeing themselves as weak when showing them or asking for help. For others showing emotions and sharing is comforting and enriching. Understanding each other’s attachment style will allow you to find ways of both having your needs met without judging or feeling rejected.
It is possible to change your attachment style either by creating the environment in which you can feel safe and practicing new behaviour or in individual therapy as styles are formed in early life in response to early life relationships. For example: if your parents weren’t comfortable showing emotions and lacked sensitivity with you, it is possible you created a “ I just get on with it” attitude, which leads to an Avoidant style, as you feel uncomfortable relying on others and have become used to coping alone, and now become nervous around intimacy and when feeling vulnerable.
…. The attachment Dance.
A conflict in styles can create a dance. As one of you tries to get close to the other, they step back and withdraw or close -down. Once they have withdrawn, they eventually feel safe again and take a step towards you. However as soon as you go to get close again, they again step back, and the dance continues.